The Trap of Trying to Forgive
Why You’re Still Carrying That Pain
You’ve told yourself to forgive.
Maybe more than once.
Maybe for months… or even years.
You’ve said all the “right” things:
“I’m over it.”
“I don’t want to hold on to resentment.”
“I know they were doing the best they could…”
And yet, deep down, the hurt is still there.
It flickers behind your smile.
It whispers in your body.
It returns in quiet moments when you think you’ve moved on.
You’re not alone in this.
❌ The Forgiveness Myth We’ve All Been Taught
Somewhere along the way, many of us absorbed this belief:
Good people forgive quickly.
Strong people forgive easily.
Spiritual people don’t hold grudges.
So what happens when you can’t forgive?
You start to question yourself.
“Why am I still stuck on this?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Am I being petty? Bitter? Unhealed?”
The truth?
You’re not broken. You’re just human.
🧠 Forgiveness Isn’t a Mental Task
We’ve been taught to treat forgiveness like a decision you make from the neck up.
But when the hurt lives in your chest, your gut, your nervous system, it won’t leave just because your brain decides it should.
This is the trap:
You try to forgive with logic,
while your heart is still bleeding.And when that doesn’t work, you blame yourself,
instead of questioning the idea that forgiveness is something you’re supposed to force.
🧨 What Gets Buried, Festers
When we skip over our grief, our anger, our sadness;
When we tell ourselves we should be over it,
We bury those emotions inside us, where they quietly fester.
We may think we’ve moved on…
But our body remembers.
Our energy system stays tangled.
Our emotions stay activated.
Our beliefs stay wounded.And real forgiveness, the kind that brings peace, remains out of reach.
💔 When Forgiveness Becomes Another Form of Self-Abandonment
Here’s the hard truth:
If you’re pushing yourself to forgive before you’ve processed what happened…
If you’re forcing yourself to “let it go” just to avoid being uncomfortable…
If you’re pretending you're over it because that’s what you think healing is supposed to look like...
You’re not practicing compassion.
You’re practicing self-abandonment.
And it’s not your fault.
🌊 There’s Another Way
What if forgiveness isn’t something you do?
What if it’s something you allow?
What if it flows through you, once your heart is ready…
instead of something you force from willpower?
In my next article, I’ll walk you through a radically different approach to forgiveness—
One that doesn’t begin with pressure…
But with softness.
Safety.
And a willingness to stop performing and start healing.
Because the truth is, forgiveness doesn't come from strength.
It comes from surrender.
And you don’t have to force it.
→ “The Gentle Power of Letting Go: Why True Forgiveness Isn’t About Willpower.”
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