You Can’t Mindset Your Way Out of Shame
Why it keeps coming back, and how to shift it
We don’t like to talk about shame.
It’s not just uncomfortable, it’s disorienting.
Shame doesn’t say, I made a mistake.
It says, I am the mistake.
Moments I said the wrong thing and replayed it for days.
Moments I didn’t meet someone’s expectations and spiraled into self-blame.
Moments I looked in the mirror and didn’t like who I saw.
I know that voice all too well. For years, I worked hard to outgrow it. I filled journals, repeated affirmations, and tried every mindset strategy I could find. All of it helped, to a point. But no matter how hard I worked, there were moments when shame still slipped through.
Then I began to realize: I wasn’t dealing with a thought problem. I was dealing with something deeper.
Shame didn’t live in my mindset.
It lived in my energy system.
Just like all beliefs, shame has an energy unique to it, and it had attached itself into my energy system.
The Problem with “Think Better Thoughts”
Most traditional self-help tools are aimed at the mind. And they can be genuinely helpful—when the mind is the problem. But shame is different. It bypasses logic and language. It affects how we carry ourselves, how we respond to others, how safe we feel in our own bodies.
Trying to “fix” shame with positive thinking is like trying to repair a broken leg with positive affirmations. It may boost morale for a moment—but it doesn’t address the source of the pain.
Shame shows up when a part of your energy system is still holding the belief that you are somehow not enough. That you don’t belong. That you are unworthy of love or safety or rest.
That kind of imprint doesn’t respond well to pep talks.
What Actually Helped Me Shift Out of Shame
Everything changed when I stopped trying to outthink shame, and started listening to what it was trying to show me.
I realized shame was an energy pattern, not a personal failure. It was a belief I had unconsciously learned.
And once I had a way to gently balance that energy, through the Pondera Process®, things began to shift. I didn’t have to shame myself for feeling shame. I could just meet it, balance it, and move forward with more ease.
This is what I want for you, too.
If You’ve Been Carrying Shame...
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing at self-help.
You’re simply trying to heal something that thinking alone can’t reach.
The good news? There is a better way.
When we bring in energy psychology, when we stop treating emotions like enemies to defeat and instead see them as signals we can work with, transformation becomes faster, deeper, and so much more compassionate.
Try This for Yourself
You can find free resources to help you care for yourself at a deeper level
How to calm the nervous system when shame flares up
How to gently shift the belief “I’m not enough”
How to work with the energy of emotions, not just the thoughts they trigger
If you’ve been stuck in shame, I invite you to try this.
👉 Go here to start caring for yourself with compassion, at a deeper level.
Shame loses its power when we stop hiding it.
When we meet it with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment, we open the door to real healing.
And that healing starts with one small shift:
The belief that you are worth helping.
You are.